Can we still be friends?
You invest so much into a relationship, you would think it shouldn't all
go to waste after a break up. After all, you have become true
confidants, intimate partners, at times the most loyal of friends, why
should you have to lose it all? Maybe something can be salvaged. When
the emotional attachment is strong, it is almost impossible to be
friends immediately after the fact. The pain is bad enough, without it
being pushed under your nose everyday. So, if at all, how can to lovers
become... just friends? You need:
1. Time - each individual needs time to move on an re-establish
themselves as... an individual. One needs to put the past behind them
and feel as if they have moved on to another chapter in their lives. If
one person is still in love and wants the relationship to continue, time
must separate the two, until that person realizes that he or she is
moving on in life without the other as a special, intimate companion.
2. Discipline - There will likely be some attraction left, at least for
one of the former partners. There is also likely to be some of that
special comfort, that only an intimate committed couple should know. A
couple who wants to just be friends really needs to be discipline with
each other, especially at the beginning of the friendship. They should
probably limit: how much time they spend together, how long should phone
calls last, what kind of questions are asked, whether they can have any
physical contact (we mean hugs and kisses). If the former couple sets
some boundaries, a friendship can build slowly and be built on same
foundation upon which a traditional friendship is based. The friendship
can then develop on a different platform and not just be based on former
intimacy.
3. Communication, Understanding and Patience - Often people want to be
friends, but they enter into the friendship based on: guilt, loneliness,
or hope for the romance to be rekindled. All of these feelings will
likely cause a post-relationship friendship to be grounds for more pain.
Each individual needs to be honest with the other and with themselves
concerning their motives. You need to communicate, understand each
others feelings. You may need to let more time to pass. True empathy is
difficult, but necessary to assist in this process. If you realize that,
despite your best intentions, it is more harmful than good to your "ex"
to be... just friends, you need to step away.
You can be friends, but you can never have what you had before: an
intimate relationship. If you can truly separate the two and give it
time, a loyal friendship can result from a difficult break up.
This article courtesy of
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