Stay alert at all times and
tuned in to your surroundings, wherever you are. Awareness is your
best self-defense; know what is happening around you. Be especially
careful if you are alone or drunk. Watch where you are going and
what is going on around you. The same principles of defensive
driving should be used when walking or going about your daily
activities: Look for potential problems, and be prepared to react to
them. The wearing of headphones while on foot or on public
transportation can reduce your level of alertness.
Trust your instincts
If you feel uncomfortable in a
place or situation, leave right away and get help if necessary.
Don't assume a false sense of security because you are either
surrounded by people or in a remote area. If you think
something is wrong, remove yourself from the situation. Trust your
gut -- if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
Familiarize yourself
with the area
Get to know the neighborhoods
and neighbors where you live and work. Find out what stores and
restaurants are open late and where police and fire stations are
located. Plan your route in advance, and vary your routes whenever
possible. Evaluate and be aware of your surroundings. Use
well-lit, busy streets. Keep a safe distance between you and
others, and always have an out (somewhere you can turn to run if you
feel threatened.) Walk with friends or a group. When you are
out late at night, have a friend accompany you - don't go alone.
Let someone know where you will be going and when you will return.
Avoid shortcuts, dark alleys, deserted streets and wooded areas.
If you feel uneasy, trust your instincts and go directly to a place
where there are other people. Walk on the part of the sidewalk
close to the street and away from shrubbery, trees, or doorways. On
less busy streets at night, it is sometimes safer to walk in the
street rather than on the sidewalk.
Project confidence
Walk as if you know where you're
going. Stand tall. Walk in a confident manner, and hold your head
up. Keep your hands free and keep them chest high in crowds. Stand
tall and walk confidently. Don't make it obvious if you are in
unfamiliar territory.
Handbags and
accessories
A good purse is one with a flap
that folds over the opening and fastens at the bottom, and often has
an interior zipper. The easiest purse for you to open is also the
easiest for a pickpocket to steal from. Flaps should be secured and
turned toward the body at all times. Backpacks are very easy to
steal from, since it's less likely you'll feel someone reaching into
it.
A reader writes with advice on
how to wear your purse:
Under a garment is fine, but
be careful of wearing it diagonally across your shoulders like
that. I've taken a couple defense classes designed for women,
and it was demonstrated quite effectively to us that modern
purses are NOT fragile. The strap is often very strong. A man
grabbing that strap and pulling on it will take your whole body
with him, and it's very very easy to get hurt that way. Better
to let him have the purse than end up in the hospital with a
broken ankle.
Wallets should be carried in an
inside coat pocket and cash in a front pants pocket. A rubber band
tied several times around a wallet can increase friction and make it
easier for you to notice if you are being pickpocketed. Avoid
wearing excessive jewelry. In particular, keep necklaces and
bracelets inside your clothing.
Don't carry large sums of cash.
If you do carry cash, do not display it in public. If possible,
carry only identification, phone numbers, and the credit cards you
will need. Keep a list at home of credit cards and other important
material you would need to replace in case of loss. Separate your
house keys from your car keys. Women should keep their keys in
places other than their purses. That way, if your purse is snatched,
you will still have your keys. Keep names and phone numbers of
relatives or friends on your person, in the event of an accident or
emergency.
Elevators and
entryways
Attacks often happen when you
have your keys out: when you're closing up at work, in the vestibule
of your building, at your front or back door, at your laundry room,
at your car, or in elevators. Be especially aware as you enter or
leave a building or car.
Before entering an elevator,
look at the persons already in the car. If you are uneasy, wait for
the next elevator. If a suspicious person enters an elevator and you
are uneasy, then get off right away. If you notice a person in an
elevator has not pushed a floor indicator button, do not get off at
your floor. Go back to the lobby and report the suspicious activity.
Stand near the control buttons. If threatened or attacked, sound the
alarm and push several floor buttons if possible.
Cars
Always park your car in a busy,
well lit area. In multistory car parks, try to park as near to the
pay kiosk as possible. It is best to park in attended lots. If you
must leave a key with the attendant, leave only the ignition key. In
all other cases, lock your car. When going to your car, have your
keys in your hand. Also, holding them so that the sharp part of the
key protrudes through your fingers gives you a weapon. Always check
your car before getting in - to make sure that no one is hiding
inside. Have your house keys in your hand before you get out of the
car, and vice versa. Do not leave ANY packages or personal items in
open view in the car. Place them in the trunk. If you are in danger
of being harmed or robbed, while in your car, start sounding your
horn until assistance arrives. If you feel you are being followed,
drive to the nearest police or fire station, or open filling
station.
Public transportation
While waiting for a bus, train,
etc., stand near others who are also waiting. Upon arriving at your
stop, be aware of those who get off with you. If you feel you are
being followed, go to the nearest occupied building and ask for
assistance. After dark, attempt to get off the bus in well-lighted
areas. Use only well-lighted streets to reach your final
destination.
Carry a defensive item
Noisemaking
device (recommended)
Consider carrying a whistle
or other noisemaker, and sound it loudly if you are accosted or
feel threatened. I think those metal whistles that double as
keychains are a good idea. If you're in an area where you feel
uncomfortable, have your whistle in your hand and ready. Hold
your keys when going to and from your car, home and business.
This will save time and give you some security in having
protection.
A reader wrote suggesting
carrying a rape alarm (also called a personal alarm): "The two
I've got make the most godawful noise imaginable. A nice
alternative to a whistle."
There are pros and cons to
these. They are loud (like 130 dB or so), which might scare an
attacker off before they get to you, but they probably won't be
as effective at summoning help in some circumstances. Some come
with a bright flashing strobe, which can also disorient an
attacker long enough to get away.
One advantage over a whistle
is that these are hand-operated and don't require you to blow in
them. You can use them while running more easily, and you can be
yelling something at the attacker or to others while they're
going off.
Other slight disadvantages
are that they are sometimes a little on the bulky side, and
they're battery-operated, so you need to check the power
regularly. Another reader noted the ones with electronic sounds
can sound like car alarms and might get ignored by bystanders.
There are also aerosol-based
products that are like the little air horns you hear at sports
events, but with a whistle sound. The problem with these is they
only hold a dozen or so short blasts, where the electronic
devices emit a sound as long as the battery holds out.
Some TS women can only
scream loudly in their "boy voices," and some are reluctant to
do so, even in a potentially dangerous situation. A noisemaking
device can be a real boost to the decibel level you can
generate.
A lot of larger hardware
stores carry this stuff, but you might need to order them
online. Here's one place:
http://www.securityplanet.com/alarms-pa.htm
Pepper spray,
tasers, and other incapacitating devices (less recommended)
Any device you carry for
protection may be used AGAINST you. Select such security devices
carefully. Pepper spray, tasers, etc. are somewhat controversial
for this reason. Surprisingly, 15-20% of people will not be
incapacitated even by a full-face spray. Also, if you're
carrying it in your purse, you will only waste time and alert
the attacker to your intentions while you fumble for it.
Never depend on any
self-defense tool or weapon to stop an attacker. Trust your body
and your wits, which you can always depend on in the event of an
attack. A whistle will often scare someone off before an
encounter even happens. Don't just have it in your purse if
you're in a potentially unsafe situation. Have it out in your
hand. If you feel threatened, blow your whistle, bang garbage
cans, honk your horn, or shout "fire!" to attract attention.
Knives, guns,
and other deadly weapons (not recommended)
I feel there are many
pragmatic reasons not to own or carry a gun:
1. Many gun owners are
incapable of using their guns in a combat situation with
sufficient expertise, either to prevent an armed criminal from
taking innocent lives, or to be sure of not hitting bystanders
with their own stray bullets. Just buying a gun will not protect
you. You will need to pay for extensive training if you want to
use it effectively.
2. Most homicides involving
guns occur between victims who knew each other. Having guns
around greatly increases the chances you or someone you know
will be hurt or killed by one, compared to households without
guns.
3. Suicides are the majority
of gun deaths every year. I remember Dana Rivers on Oprah
proclaiming with seemingly perverse pride that she knows what
her revolver tastes like. Given the suicidal tendencies among
some in the community, it seems like an extremely bad idea for
many TG women to own guns.
4. According to a 1998 FBI
report, there were only 95 justifiable handgun killings in the
U.S. that year, where people defending themselves encountered an
assailant previously unknown to them. Out of 280 million people.
More people are struck by lightning each year than use handguns
for a justifiable homicide against a stranger.
Then, of course,
there's the moral issue of participating in the culture
and economy of gun violence... But we'll not go into
that complicated matter.
A reader writes:
If your plans or
thoughts about safety or self-defense include any
sort of weapon, please consider training both to
help you work through the question of whether this
is right for you and, if it is, to give you basic
skills in the safe use of it and an understanding of
legal issues surrounding the use of force.
Certainly, for
firearms, there are any number of NRA-affiliated
local gun clubs where volunteer instructors donate
their time for inexpensive classes in gun safety and
defensive use of firearms. But you can also turn to
some women's organizations for help... You can also
ask your local police for the names of instructors
or organizations in your area.
If you feel
threatened...
By someone else on foot:
Turn around to let the person know you've seen them. Try to
get a description: height, weight, clothes, age, ethnicity,
hair color and style, anything else distinguishable. Cross
the street, change direction, run to a place where there are
other people, or walk closer to traffic. Step out in
the street on the other side of parked cars. Be alert when
someone moves into your space, that three foot radius around
you.
By someone in a car: Get
the license plate number and a description, if possible.
If you are
attacked
What if
the unthinkable happens?
If you are suddenly
confronted by a predator who demands that you go with him–be
it in a car, or into an alley, or a building, it would seem
prudent to obey, but you must never leave the primary crime
scene. You are far more likely to be killed or seriously
injured if you go with the predator than if you run away
(even if he promises not to hurt you). Run away, yell for
help, throw a rock through a store or car window--do
whatever you can to attract attention. And if the criminal
is after your purse or other material items, throw them one
way while you run the other.
Get them "off their
script." Most attackers have an idea in their head of how
their crime is going to go. If you do something
unpredictable, the surprise can throw them off. Throw your
bag at or past them and run the opposite direction.
The following works well
for getting both strangers and acquaintances off their
scripts:
If he's attempting a
sexual assault and has you pinned, pretend to have a seizure
or pee your pants. This might freak them out and throw them
off their script. Many sexual assult perpetrators expect you
to scream and beg. Some suggest using that time of
negotiation to get them to think about what they are doing
by asking them pointed questions: what happened today that
made you decide to do this? Try to get them to think of you
in the same way they think of someone they love, like their
sister, etc. Getting them to see you as a person instead of
a generic victim might get them to stop or to be less
violent.
Dating
Going out on dates can be
really fun and exciting, especially once you can start dating as
the real you. However, don't let the initial thrill cloud your
judgment.
Again: You are far more
likely to be assaulted by a date, coworker, or a friend than by
a stranger.
The
Queer Resources Directory has a great list of dating tips:
Find out who your date
is.
Ask for your date's
first and last name, where they work and live, and what they
like and don't like.
Ask around to see if
anyone knows the person.
Introduce your date to
others (e.g., your friends, the bartender.)
Tell a friend where
you're going, or call your own answering machine as if you
were calling a friend.
Make sure your date
knows you spread the word about them.
Choose public places,
such as malls or restaurants, for first meetings. Leave your
date’s name and telephone number with that person. Never
arrange for your date to pick you up at home. Provide your
own transportation, meet in a public place at a time when
many people are present, and when the date is over, leave on
your own as well. A familiar restaurant or coffee shop, at a
time when a lot of other people will be present is often a
fine choice. Avoid hikes, bike rides or drives in remote
areas for the first few dates. If you decide to move to
another location, take your own car. When the timing is
appropriate, thank your date for getting together and say
goodbye.
Protect your valuables.
Don't carry extra cash.
If you bring someone
home, don't leave your wallet, cash, or valuables in sight.
Your possessions -- and the person you brought home -- could
all be gone while you're in the shower or asleep.
Watch for red flags. Pay
attention to any displays of anger, intense frustration or
attempts at pressuring or controlling you. Acting in a
passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful
comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all
red flags. You should also be concerned if your date
exhibits any of the following conduct without providing an
acceptable explanation:
Provides
inconsistent information about age, interests,
appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
Fails to provide
direct answers to direct questions.
Never introduces you
to friends, professional associates or family members.
This is an especially big problem for TG women with
tranny-chasers. Not only is it insulting and degrading,
but it's a sign that they are not secure with their own
sexual identity. This might prove to be a serious
problem at a later point, whether it's heartbreak, or
even a dangerous situation where they take their
self-hatred out on you.
If you decide to bring
someone home, introduce her or him to a friend, acquaintance
or bartender so that someone knows who you left with.
Never do anything you
feel unsure about. If you are in any way afraid of your
date, use your best judgment to diffuse the situation and
get out of there. Excuse yourself long enough to call a
friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for help,
or slip out the back door and drive or run away. If you feel
you are in danger call the police. It’s always better to be
safe than sorry.
I highly recommend
reading Jennifer Reitz' excellent
dating guide.
A note on transfans
I went out with my share of
tranny-chasers when I first went full-time. Most of them were
very nice (and some were extraordinarily hot), although several
of them had pretty serious hang-ups about their own feelings.
They seemed to be pretty uncomfortable with the fact that they
liked transsexuals. A couple of them seemed to pin their own
self-loathing on me. Their reactions ranged from
Drugs and alcohol
A lot of younger TGs,
especially in the club scene or in college, are going to
encounter drugs and alcohol. I've personally made a number of
bad decisions when drunk or high, from sex partners to other
unsafe activities like going someplace with complete strangers.
Alcohol is by far the most
common problem. I like to drink, but it's important to stay in
control, or at the very least, stay with someone who is in
control (i.e., not drinking or taking drugs).
Get/mix your own drinks:
There may be a reason a person insists on getting or mixing you
a drink. Getting you drunk or giving you "knockout drops" is an
easy way to cloud your judgment.
The date rape pill has been
discussed a lot on television and in magazine articles.
Personally, I think the scare is a little overhyped, since
alcohol, ecstasy, and depressants are the most likely to impair
your judgment. The following safety habits can protect you from
a bad experience:When going out, if you have a friend you trust
with you, you are safer. Watch out for your friends and make
sure they are watching out for you when you are places with lots
of people or people you don't know and trust like at a party or
in a coffeehouse or in a bar. Be aware. Now that you know about
the date rape pill, it is your responsibility to watch out for
yourself and people you care about. Don't go home with someone
you don't both know and trust and don't accept drinks when you
are alone at a house where there are strangers (like at a
party). Watch when someone pours you a drink. Better yet, get
your own drink. Make an agreement ahead of time with friends
that you won't let each other leave with people you haven't
planned to go with. Don't leave your drink or food unattended at
a party or coffeehouse or lounge or anywhere else that people
you don't know and trust could have access to it.
If you are going to use
drugs and/or alcohol, try do do it with a group of friends, and
try to have one who is going to take it easy that night and
watch out for everyone else. Make sure your friends don't let
you go off by yourself with someone you don't know well.
Final note
Never worry or feel
embarrassed about your behavior if you feel threatened.
Get out of an elevator if it
doesn't feel right, even if it seems silly or rude. Run away
yelling, even if it seems embarrassing. Slip out the back way
while on a date. Your safety is much more important than
someone's opinion of you. If you get a bad vibe in any
situation, do whatever you need to in order to protect yourself.
Most people are basically
good, and physical attacks are fairly rare. Don't let fear of an
attack rule your life. Go out. Have fun. You've earned it after
all you've been through. Just make sure you stay safe. The vast
majority of attacks can be avoided by taking a few simple
precautions.
So have fun, but be careful,
OK?
Sources: Andrea Brown at TransAlba Transsexual
Support,
LAMBDA, the
Chicago Police Department and
Queer Resources Directory
