Seven Signs You
Should Run From Your Partner
By Rinatta Paries
The relationship questions asked most frequently are all basically the
same. First people will explain certain undesirable behaviors their
partners are displaying. Then they'll ask whether they should tolerate
these behaviors or whether they are making too big an issue of them.
There are, in fact, certain behaviors that should not be tolerated
because they damage and will eventually destroy the relationship.
If you are in a brand-new relationship and your partner exhibits one or
some of the behaviors below, you may want to consider walking away. If
you stay, you may be getting much more trouble, headache and heartache
then you bargained for.
If you are in a committed relationship and are invested in staying, or
if you are planning to get engaged or married soon and some of these
behaviors show up, try to work through them. Since you have already
invested time, effort and your heart into the relationship, the
relationship may be strong enough to withstand the necessary change. But
hold off on making a deeper commitment to each other until the issues
are resolved. Commitment and marriage tend to make issues worse rather
than better.
Finally, if you are married, you probably want to do everything possible
to save your marriage. If the two of you are dealing with any of the
issues below, the most effective way of overcoming them is with outside
expert help.
1. Excessive Flirtation
People in committed relationships, even in early committed relationships,
should not be flirting with others in a way that makes their partner
uncomfortable.
Here is the measuring stick: If your partner tells you about the
flirting or you witness your partner flirting and neither of you
flinches, the flirtation is OK. Otherwise it is not and you should be
rightly bothered. This is, of course, assuming that you are not overly
insecure and that you do not view any interaction your partner has with
others as flirting.
2. Man/Woman Watching
Some discreet man/woman watching may occasionally be OK. But when it is
blatant and intrusive, it becomes a relationship problem. You are not
too sensitive if this bothers you. You should not have to learn to get
over this and you should not have to learn to tolerate this behavior.
3. Infidelity
Unless you have a workable open-marriage agreement with your partner, you
absolutely should not tolerate infidelity. There is simply no excuse for
it. Alcohol, loneliness, anger, etc., are not good reasons to get
involved with other people when you are in a relationship.
4. Another Relationship
OK, I know people get involved with those who are already in another
relationship with the hope that they will "win" and the other
relationship will end. But in reality this seldom happens. If you are
involved in this kind of a relationship, perhaps it's time to give your
partner an ultimatum. Set a drop-the-relationship-date by which your
partner will willingly release the other relationship or you.
5. Romantic Contact From Other
People
Why would someone in a relationship be getting phone calls, mail or e-mail
of a romantic nature from other people? And why would the other person
in the relationship tolerate this?
I think often it is because the partner somehow does not place
responsibility for what's happening where it belongs -- squarely on the
shoulders of the person who is receiving the communication.
If communication is ongoing, it is not accidental or victimization; it
is invited and your partner is getting something out of it. To avoid a
surge of feedback from those of you who may disagree with this point,
let me say that there are now many easy ways to block unwanted
communication, both on regular phones, cell phones and e-mail.
You are not too sensitive to feel threatened and to wonder if you are
about to lose the relationship or be cheated on. Both may happen next.
6. Frequent Reactive or Angry
Behaviors
Almost everyone has a frustrated moment, day or even a week. Life can get
very hectic and stressful at times. But, if your partner is reactive or
angry most of the time, for an extended period of time, this may just be
the way he or she is.
If the two of you have repeatedly tried to problem-solve and yet nothing
seems to cool the reactiveness and anger, you may want to ask yourself
if you want this on ongoing basis.
7. 'It's All Your Fault'
Every relationship has issues or problems that need to be discussed. For
some this happens sooner rather than later. But make no mistake -- this
happens in every relationship. In fact, problems are an inherent part of
being in a relationship.
However, if your partner categorically refuses to acknowledge and deal
with his or her contribution to the problem and instead says in one way
or another that it's all your fault, you have a serious problem on your
hands. How will you move on and build a deeper relationship if your
current problems cannot be resolved?
You are not pushy to ask your partner to deal with what needs to be
dealt with. You have every right to ask for an active partner in a
relationship.
This article courtesy of
"Rinatta
Paries, 1998-2002. Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the
skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy
partnerships. Visit
www.WhatItTakes.com
where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine.
Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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